Without a diagnosis, I had found the comfort of a Saturday afternoon with nowhere to be -- a day perfectly designed for lounging on the couch with only a good book and a mug of coffee or Netflix and a blanket. And slippers and sweatpants; yes, I had found a slippers and sweatpants kind of comfort.
But then the doorbell rings, or the coffee gets cold, or Netflix stops working, and life begins and you are forced to leave your comfort behind --sometimes momentarily and sometimes for good -- because life, REAL life, isn't always about being comfortable.
Last week, my life began again -- in a small exam room, right past a bright orange hallway.
The neurologist, sitting across from me, for the first time in two years, casually mentions a possible diagnosis, but the look on her face is anything but casual. And I'm suddenly anything but comfortable.
As she mentions her game plan -- MRIs and orthopedics -- I find I'm no longer comfortably reading that good book. "Connective tissue, " she says and "hypermobility," she utters and my coffee is now cold.
When she types that she will "see us back in six months," I realize that means I have to leave the comfort of that "no diagnosis couch" I have been enjoying for the last two years. And that idea scares me.
I feel insecure and worried and unsure. I long for my sweatpants and slippers but feel as if I'm being forced into heels. And yet, I know that I can't stay on that couch forever, because as much as a diagnosis doesn't change the important things -- like my love for my daughter -- it does play an important role in helping us meet her needs.
So I move forward off of the couch and away from the book and the coffee and the comfort, and I thrust myself into a new world -- a world with a diagnosis -- because I know that while comfort is beautiful, it can also be limiting.
And while this world with a diagnosis is different and new and -- at times -- uncomfortable, I am ready to give up my sweatpants and slippers and try on something new. Besides, my legs do look pretty darn good in heels :-)
|Waiting for Neurology|