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Wednesday, June 3, 2015

To The Spammer Who Made My Morning

Dear Mr. Spammer --

In between cleaning up a smashed cherry Pop-Tart off my couch (please tell me that stuff will come out?!) and listening to "Let It Go" for the 4379292 time this morning -- all while searching for some caffeine to just get me through the first hour of the day -- your generic, "he says that to all the girls" message gave me a good laugh.

After introducing yourself as a "Free Lance Fashion Designer," (I won't lie, I looked up what exactly that job entails) you wrote:

"You look very impressive to me."  

Wow!  I mean way to start out with a bang.  Virtual high-five for telling me right off the bat how awesome I am.  However, I highly doubt you even really looked at my profile picture. But for fun, let's pretend you did.  Sir, I look impressive because you are seeing me with my hair done and some make up on,  and make-up can make just about anyone look "impressive."  If you saw me right now -- uncombed hair, clad in pajama pants and a shirt smeared with the remnants of my daughter's yogurt from breakfast, I think you would realize there is nothing impressive to see here.  

You went on to write, "you have got a very fresh look on your face."  

This picture you looked at must have been before I had kids.  You know, back when I knew the meaning of uninterrupted sleep, took naps just because I could and slept in past 6 am.  There's nothing fresh about THIS face.  Let's be real, I probably still have make-up on from last Saturday night.    

"You have nice sharp features, pointed chin and such a cute smile on your face."  

Genetics?!  Thanks, mom!  Is a pointed chin a good thing?  Now, I am looking in the mirror.  I think my chin is more rounded.  Yes?  No?  Hold on, my youngest is hitting my oldest with the Barbie Car.

"You have got a very natural face and looks and are attractive and photogenic."  

Ummm...thanks...this is the face I was born with.  It is totally natural.   As for being "photogenic," you are probably looking at one out of 324 selfies that I took. Obviously, I posted the best one to Facebook.  

 "What you do by the way? Are you some kind of model?"  

Cue me spitting out my tea. Model...yeah. No. Well, kind of.  I mean I do model how to write to a room full of kids each day.  That counts...right?  Yep...sure I am a model.  

"Do keep in touch here. It will be a pleasure to be in touch with you and know you more as a person." 

I wish we could keep in touch, but my "modeling" job keeps me busy.  Alright, I gotta go break up a fight over an Ariel doll.